Cuffing with conviction :Tips and Guidelines for a Successful Cuffing Season

Imagine this, you're on the couch watching television, some light trap music playing in the background, it's a typical evening. In the midst of your chilling, you notice the increase of notifications, you've been receiving over the past few weeks. The texts, Facebook messages, DMs, etc. Now, you're no slouch, but you don't get as much play on a regular basis as you do during certain seasons.You then realize what time of year it is. Autumn has just begun, and that means that Cuffing Season (CS) is upon us...

 Now the way I see it, you have two choices. You can either: 1) open up these messages (these are usually from people you have history with, but they can also be from complete strangers) or 2) Go out, meet some people and start recruiting. I say, why not do both? Just proceed with caution. You must know that responding to the trite "What's up stranger?" will undoubtedly set you up to entertain some foolishness. Some of the folk in our past need to stay there and it will quickly become clear why you stopped messing with him/her in the first place. If you are going to participate in and take full advantage of cuffing season, allow me to give you some advice and guidelines. It is important to note that I am not a relationship guru, but I am an opinionated soul who doesn't mind sharing what I know and my observations in hopes of helping others. So let's get to it.

Cuffing season comes between Labor and Valentine's Day. Folk are fresh off their Summer flings, and might be looking for someone to keep time with during the cooler part of the year. Make no mistake, not everyone who is participating is looking for a forever spouse. Sometimes that just happens, you think it's just going to be until the ice thaws, but you never know what is going to happen so stay sharp! It's no coincidence that CS falls in the part of the year where people usually attend more group events, i.e. tailgating, bonfires, holiday parties, etc. You can definitely go to these by yourself, but sometimes you want somebody to hold hands with, giggle, share inside jokes, share meals, and possibly your bed. I get it, I get it, I swear that I get it. Everyone isn't cut out for this. That is understandable. If you don't like serial dating, get jealous/possessive really quickly, or would rather not entertain more than one person at time, I say don't participate. If you are in a committed relationship, married, engaged, living with somebody, sharing bills, stay the fuck out of people's inboxes, this season ain't for you. Don't bring unnecessary drama to people's doorsteps. If you don't fall into the aforementioned categories, go forth.

On to my guidelines. 1) Stay safe- I know how easy it is to end up in a compromising situation, but if you aren't prepared for your cuddle buddy to be your co-parent, stay strapped. I know that accidents happen, but don't be foolish. Also, in regards to safety, you may be meeting new people, use common sense. 2) Choose wisely-Date a few before you make your final decision. There's something to said for having options. Everybody isn't a starter. 3)Stay woke- Everybody isn't who they proclaim to be. Some folk will tell you any thing. If it doesn't sound/feel right, it probably isn't. 4) Know thyself/- Know what you are looking for. If you don't like the person, let them know early on. There's no reason to waste time. 5) Be honest- Tell the other person what you are looking for. Don't assume anything. You're going to look crazy if you're 3 months in and you don't know why they are acting like y'all are an item. In my head, if no real conversation has been had but there have been 5 dates turned sleepovers, you're an item. 6) Respect the curve- It happens to the best us. We all get rejected, it sucks. I know you are awesome, but everybody isn't going to dig/appreciate your steez. 7) Go different places by yourself or with friends who are down for the cause. You never who you're going to meet. Now this one is completely underrated... 8) Enjoy yourself- Frolic in the foliage, go to haunted houses, hay rides, discover new places in your city, wear all that fly Fall gear that you've been longing to don since the first 100 degree day, meet new people.

Lastly, be kind to yourself and others, you never know, this could be your last season as a free agent.


That's it. I'm sure I could add more, but like I said above I'm not a relationship guru and this is already long enough. These are just what I like to use when I partake in CS. To be honest, it can be a bit much, so I'm not always recruiting or in the mood for being recruited . The sidelines are not a bad place to be. I don't know, maybe these will be of some use to you or somebody you know. Now go forth, and cuff /get cuffed with conviction.





*Bonus
Songs to cuff to: UGK-Int'l Players Anthem, Usher/Alicia Keys-My Boo,Floetry- Say Yes, Almost any Drake song, Jamie Foxx-Fall for Your Type, John Legend-P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care), Aaliyah-Come Over, Ryan Leslie-Sunday Night, Fabolous- Cuffin' Season, DAJ- The First Time, Foreign Exchange- Take off the Blues, Little Brother- Table for Two, Quincy Jones & Friends- Secret Garden (only for the trill)

Living Single

Actress Vonetta McGhee reigning supreme in her space

Hopefully the title made you think of the fabulous 90s series. It remains one of my favorite shows. I won't get started on how much I love that show. This post is about living alone while being young, gifted, quirky and Black.

It's been 14 months since I began living alone and I am still learning valuable lessons, but loving every minute of my solitude. Of course my parents worry, but that's what they do. I embrace it. This is what I've been wanting since I was youngin' watching Khadijah & her crew. I took the Max route though. The longing to live alone really reared its head when I moved back to STL in 2008. Don't get me wrong, I really didn't mind living with my parents. Living rent free was awesome. We were growing together and learning each other as adults. Things were just changing. I wanted to have my own space to be loud, quiet or pant-less in. So my living situation has gone from living with my immediate family 5 siblings and parents, to 3 siblings and parents, then dormitory living, next was a shared apartment, then back home to my parents and 1 sibling. All the while having to share bathrooms, lol. Now it's just me and of course the occasional visitor.
Despite the crooning of Three Dog Night, one is NOT the loneliest number. I'm the queen of this castle. Of course  that's my bra on the floor and my mismatched socks on the table. I have learned the beauty of making a mad dash to get back to my fortress of solitude. Why yes, I am leaving this event early. Where am I going? Home, where I can be pant-less in peace and not be stared at strangely because of it. Bye.

Here are some things I've learned from living on my own:
1) The entire apartment is my room! There are things strewn about. It is organized chaos. Depending on our relationship, I may let you see it at its worse.
2) I never close the bathroom door. I have to remind myself to do this when company's over.
3) I constantly talk to myself.
4) There's always enough food for one. The meal may not be conventional, but hey it'll do.
5) I'm messy. 
6) I do make every effort to be a good hostess. I was raised right, lol.
7) Being pant-less is everything!
8) Budgeting is a must honey. Having more month than money is undesirable.
9) My offers from the opposite sex have increased exponentially, lol. 
10) I don't mind drinking alone

What I've come to realize is that living alone will enhance your quirkiness. I'm different, I know this but being alone has and continues to fine tune it. I'm not out here like Kramer getting rid of all my furniture in lieu of "levels". Trust and believe that there are #quirksonquirksonquirks. Living alone provides time to explore and revel in your private self. You are the best twerker, singer, chef, and yogi. To quote Remy Ma "See this ain't nothing that you're used to, out of the ordinary unusual You gotta have the mind state that I'm so great can't nobody do like you. Miraculous phenomenal ain't nobody in here stopping you..."


If you've never lived alone I implore you to try it. The feeling of coming home to your own space and being able to be peaceful. I know that when I decide to live with someone again they'll have to have lived on their own so we can re-socialize together, lol.







The soundtrack to this post is Billy Joel's Movin Out

Back down memory lane...

This time of year always makes me a bit misty eyed. It reminds me of when I started college, and even more importantly when I joined the band. My bestie sent me a video of the yearly merge of freshman and upperclassmen bands and it inspired me to write this. If you don't know, being in a Black college band is like a full time job. Seriously. All night practices, road trips, intense training, etc. It started with band camp in August of 2005 with the full fire heat of the Mississippi sun beaming down on me. General meet and greet with the people who would be the only ones I knew for the next 4-5 months. Then our parents left and the craziness began. Now you must understand being in band in other parts of the country pales in comparison to being in one in the South. I went from being first chair and band president in my high school to last chair before the sun set. Next morning, it got real. I'm dressed in all white standing with my peers before dawn. It was still dark out and the next thing we hear is someone running and then another yells "YOU BETTER  NOT LET HER BEAT YOU!!!" So we take off running, and it begins. A month  full of military style physical training and intense musical rehearsals weeding out the ones not built for The BOOM. It was a challenge to say the least but I couldn't let them defeat me. My parents had allowed me to go school so far away from them and I had made the decision that I wasn't going down without a fight. It paid off, I made it. I had the ugliest and oldest baritone, but it projected every wrong note that I hit, LOL. I couldn't hide. With the help of my crab brothers and sisters I got better. I had to, getting worse and quitting wasn't an option. This time of my life was one of learning, living, discovery, and growth. I became stronger, both physically and mentally. Being in a section that is 99% male definitely changed me. I have so many memories that I could share with you all about this time but I won't, not now anyway. What I will share is a video that I found on YouTube of my first home halftime show against Texas Southern University. I was approached by the lead Drum Major to be apart of a skit and after a couple hours of consideration and discussion with one of my besties, I agreed. With much trepidation, of course. In the video, I'm the one in the middle dancing while the band plays David Banner's Play . My heart was beating so fast and we practiced that skit numerous times (s/o to my CS Bianca she's on the left). I distinctly remember one of the last practices before we performed, I was on the ground in a split and Mr. Murray was yelling and telling me to "BOUNCE IT! BOUNCE IT!" You can't imagine how strange that was. I can laugh about it now. I was only in The Boom one year, but that year changed me forever. I don't look at challenges the same, I don't listen to music the same and I'm not the same girl that walked into that band room so many years ago. Because of band, Jackson State, Mississippi, John Phillip Sousa, Secret Garden (Quincy Jones' version) and The Temptations' Get Ready will always hold a special place in my heart.


CHAIR!!

(You can watch the whole video, but the skit starts around 7:30)

That's me in the center, I didn't get permission from the other people in this picture. I posted this because you can't see my face in the video. They probably don't read this blog anyway though, lol.

Shake what ya mama gave ya??

I like most sane people love to laugh, dance, rap in my room with my pink and leopard print studio headphones while I practice my deejaying skills...OH that last one may just be one of my fave pastimes, but I digress. We all enjoy merriment in some form or another. I like to think that on most days I'm  95% classy, 3% hood, and 2% other. Within that 3% lies my being a twerker at heart (just ask my besties, lol). With that being said I think my skills are fine, not make my own YouTube video to display them or give a tutorial but they're more than respectable. That leads me to these two young ladies, Kelli and Brittani (note the spelling, it's reminiscent of "Lysterine with 'y', NOT an 'i'). In the video they display the twerking skills Kelli's mama taught them. I wonder how many bands it would take to make them stop dancing?  I'll let you make your own judgments about this...

Chrisette Michele

Hey folks, just wanted to pop in and let you all see what I've run across. I love Chrisette Michele. Her voice, spirit, energy, and soul. She's gorgeous! The video below is her latest track off the forthcoming An audiovisual presentation of Audrey Hepburn (Dec. 8) Enjoy the visuals. Hit the links below if you'd like to download this track and her other new joint featuring Wale, Rich Hipster.


Rich Hipster

Charades

                                              

Bob Marley Tribute

It's been 30 years since the passing of the face of reggae music passed away. As a music connoisseur I love good music and sugar if you don't know, THIS is good music in it's purest form. This just makes me smile and is getting me pumped for Black Music Month in June. SO without further adieu here's is the esteemed Bob Marley. RIP sir. Your legend lives on.

Is This Love...

This is just a little something to make your weekend more relaxed.I love this song and Ms.Rae did a wonderful job covering it. Check the passion in her face as she performs. This should be in rotation on every "Midnight Storm" mix. Enjoy.

Introducing ...Theophilus London

If you're like me than you appreciate good music. My latest find is Theophilus London (that's his real name too, folks) . He's a Brooklyn born and raised rapper that makes "forward thinking, innovative pop music, when you listen to my music you feel loved." Theophilus is definitely not your average NY MC. He has been described He doesn't follow trends he sets them. Don't believe me, check out his spread in December's GQ. http://isneach.com/blog/?p=20088(Yes, I read GQ. I actually learn a lot from it, and it's entertaining.) His music is unlike anything that's probably playing on your ipod, or radio. He combines hip hop, pop, afro-pop, techno, and punk to produce his own sound.He has a familiar sound but yet different, fresh even. His style and his videos aren't your run of the mill, pour champagne on a pretty girl while I ride around in this Benz. I'm not dissing that type of music but his music and that music are different yet similar. I won't analyze them here just know that this artist isn't doing the stanky leg but he is doing his "Theo shuffle" but it won't be the basis of a dance craze, lol. Don't let the experimental sound of his music deter you from checking him out. Theophilus is a lyricist, without a doubt. He has yet to drop a major label debut but his mixtapes (JAM!,I Want You, and This Charming Mixtape) have generated enough buzz for this Brooklyn boy to travel overseas on tour with 8track (one of Kanye's preferred producers/collaborators for the past 5 years). This music is good different, he has thought and stepped out of the proverbial box that a lot of rappers are in. If you give him a chance you won't be sorry. Remember who put you on first. ENJOY!!

Can We Talk?

Tevin Campbell used to croon back in the ‘90s, “Can we talk for a minute?” Things were a little different then, but the singer was on to something. Human connection.
If we could slow down long enough to notice each other and actually speak, instead of hiding behind our mobile phones and laptops, we could actually talk and stop doing that thing we do when we pretend we’re connecting with one another. We would inevitably be able to relate to others and become a better society.
In a day and age where technology is king, it seems that having face-to-face conversations has almost ceased to exist. Our world is in trouble. We have become a society that is accessible 24/7, no matter what we are doing or where we are, and we rely on text, Facebook “wall” posts, e-mail and most recently and disturbingly Twitter to do it. Even with all that, we still are not communicating. Gone are the days where one set out to spend time with another. Don’t be mistaken: Modern technology is great, but there’s nothing like good old-fashioned human interaction.
With the introduction of these inventions into society, we have drifted farther and farther apart. Statistics have shown the lack of communication is one of the leading contributors to the high rates of divorce. The advancements have also proven to be a reason so many parents don’t know what the heck is going on with their children. No one is talking.
Someone can respond to a “How are you?” text with “I’m fine,” and because there’s no face-to-face interaction, the fact that their world is closing in on them is completely lost on you because eyes are the windows to the souls. There are no eyes in texts.
These creations may have made contacting each other easier, but are slowly creating nothing but cold strangers, no matter how much we text each other. Look out onto the street on any given afternoon and see how many people are looking up, engaged in the world around them. There won’t be that many. Most of them will be engrossed in the message they just received, forgetting that there is a breathing world right before them that does not need to be plugged in to work.

Red Light Special

Two of your favorite artists have just shaken up the Internet and ignited the airwaves with their new singles and videos. The tones are very mature Raheem Devaughn’s “She’s Single” and Keri Hilson’s “The Way You Love Me.” They have all the ingredients to be hits and not just become hot topics on your daily news. These two video showcase the racier side of the aforementioned artists. Mr. Devaughn easily transitions from socially conscious to flawlessly pleasing your woman. “Break out those 12 -count, gold packed magnums, I’m going to make her melt like ice cubes.” Ms. Hilson is simply letting her edgier side be shown to the masses by boldly screaming “I have the type of p---y that’ll keep you out of the streets.” In a recent interview with Perez Hilton Keri says that "this song is for those times when we (women) don’t want to be held or caressed. I want you ‘thug’ me. The sentiment is there whether I use a curse word or not. ” Raheem recently told VIBE.com “I wanted to create an image that was tasteful, but cutting edge, provocative, grown… real,” Mission accomplished. While both videos command attention, I am willing to bet that Keri’s will be scrutinized more. Raheem’s video is intended for promotional use and Keri’s will be banned from music video stations soon. As we know, music is still very much a boys’ club and full of double standards. A man be he a singer or rapper, can flaunt his conquests and sexual prowess without fear of judgment, but once a woman decides she is comfortable with her sexuality it’s an issue. “She’s setting a bad example; she’s slut, whore…” and every other negative term one can think of. This couldn't be further from the truth. Both are free to express how they live through their art. Hence the phrase “art imitates life.” Contrary to that thought the question of How does one go from “Pretty Girls Rock” to “The Way You Love Me” and “Bulletproof” and “She’s Single” in such a short amount of time ? The answer: Easy. It’s the growth and progression of art and an artist. Both artists have displayed their love of the opposite sex in other songs and the events that take place between them (albeit a little more subtle depending on the track). They both may be seen as overtly sexual but that was the intention. All of an artist’s work is not and should not be for all ages. The songs themselves are what we’ve come to expect from artists like them. They are well written, sensual, raw, real, contain catchy lyrics, bed rocking and dance floor ready beats (Devaughn and Hilson respectively) and yet beautiful in their simplicity. They have all the ingredients to be hits and not just become hot topics on your daily news. These themes cover adult subject matter and should be treated as such. These two videos will no doubt be downloaded virally and talked about incessantly but just remember music is what feelings sound like, and some feelings need to be sounded out more explicitly than others.
Links to both videos are below:
http://live.drjays.com/index.php/2010/12/02/raheem-devaughn-gets-steamy-with-shes-single/ http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhNQx41sxbkr7BJLyu