Cuffing with conviction :Tips and Guidelines for a Successful Cuffing Season

Imagine this, you're on the couch watching television, some light trap music playing in the background, it's a typical evening. In the midst of your chilling, you notice the increase of notifications, you've been receiving over the past few weeks. The texts, Facebook messages, DMs, etc. Now, you're no slouch, but you don't get as much play on a regular basis as you do during certain seasons.You then realize what time of year it is. Autumn has just begun, and that means that Cuffing Season (CS) is upon us...

 Now the way I see it, you have two choices. You can either: 1) open up these messages (these are usually from people you have history with, but they can also be from complete strangers) or 2) Go out, meet some people and start recruiting. I say, why not do both? Just proceed with caution. You must know that responding to the trite "What's up stranger?" will undoubtedly set you up to entertain some foolishness. Some of the folk in our past need to stay there and it will quickly become clear why you stopped messing with him/her in the first place. If you are going to participate in and take full advantage of cuffing season, allow me to give you some advice and guidelines. It is important to note that I am not a relationship guru, but I am an opinionated soul who doesn't mind sharing what I know and my observations in hopes of helping others. So let's get to it.

Cuffing season comes between Labor and Valentine's Day. Folk are fresh off their Summer flings, and might be looking for someone to keep time with during the cooler part of the year. Make no mistake, not everyone who is participating is looking for a forever spouse. Sometimes that just happens, you think it's just going to be until the ice thaws, but you never know what is going to happen so stay sharp! It's no coincidence that CS falls in the part of the year where people usually attend more group events, i.e. tailgating, bonfires, holiday parties, etc. You can definitely go to these by yourself, but sometimes you want somebody to hold hands with, giggle, share inside jokes, share meals, and possibly your bed. I get it, I get it, I swear that I get it. Everyone isn't cut out for this. That is understandable. If you don't like serial dating, get jealous/possessive really quickly, or would rather not entertain more than one person at time, I say don't participate. If you are in a committed relationship, married, engaged, living with somebody, sharing bills, stay the fuck out of people's inboxes, this season ain't for you. Don't bring unnecessary drama to people's doorsteps. If you don't fall into the aforementioned categories, go forth.

On to my guidelines. 1) Stay safe- I know how easy it is to end up in a compromising situation, but if you aren't prepared for your cuddle buddy to be your co-parent, stay strapped. I know that accidents happen, but don't be foolish. Also, in regards to safety, you may be meeting new people, use common sense. 2) Choose wisely-Date a few before you make your final decision. There's something to said for having options. Everybody isn't a starter. 3)Stay woke- Everybody isn't who they proclaim to be. Some folk will tell you any thing. If it doesn't sound/feel right, it probably isn't. 4) Know thyself/- Know what you are looking for. If you don't like the person, let them know early on. There's no reason to waste time. 5) Be honest- Tell the other person what you are looking for. Don't assume anything. You're going to look crazy if you're 3 months in and you don't know why they are acting like y'all are an item. In my head, if no real conversation has been had but there have been 5 dates turned sleepovers, you're an item. 6) Respect the curve- It happens to the best us. We all get rejected, it sucks. I know you are awesome, but everybody isn't going to dig/appreciate your steez. 7) Go different places by yourself or with friends who are down for the cause. You never who you're going to meet. Now this one is completely underrated... 8) Enjoy yourself- Frolic in the foliage, go to haunted houses, hay rides, discover new places in your city, wear all that fly Fall gear that you've been longing to don since the first 100 degree day, meet new people.

Lastly, be kind to yourself and others, you never know, this could be your last season as a free agent.


That's it. I'm sure I could add more, but like I said above I'm not a relationship guru and this is already long enough. These are just what I like to use when I partake in CS. To be honest, it can be a bit much, so I'm not always recruiting or in the mood for being recruited . The sidelines are not a bad place to be. I don't know, maybe these will be of some use to you or somebody you know. Now go forth, and cuff /get cuffed with conviction.





*Bonus
Songs to cuff to: UGK-Int'l Players Anthem, Usher/Alicia Keys-My Boo,Floetry- Say Yes, Almost any Drake song, Jamie Foxx-Fall for Your Type, John Legend-P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care), Aaliyah-Come Over, Ryan Leslie-Sunday Night, Fabolous- Cuffin' Season, DAJ- The First Time, Foreign Exchange- Take off the Blues, Little Brother- Table for Two, Quincy Jones & Friends- Secret Garden (only for the trill)

Repost- 10 Wonderful Ways to Embarrass Yourself

The following comes directly from a great blog call All the Many Layers. It is chock full of inspiration, style, and flair. I just happened upon it, but trust I'll be visiting it often. This particular entry stood out because I'm always on  the search of being my best self and have realized that includes doing things I've never done. The journey to fulfillment and self-love doesn't have to be hard work all the time. Enjoy life and laugh. So I'm passing this on to you, in hopes that you learn to embarrass yourself wonderfully.






“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  | Eleanor Roosevelt

1 – Confess. Declare your wildest dreams and your scariest nightmares. Admit what you’re ashamed of and what keeps you up at night. Talk about it, write about it; turn the emotion into creation. Get naked and do it often. Feel the sun warm your skin.

2 – Try something new. Don’t ignore your longings or play hard to get. Be a curiosity whore. If you like it, give it a chance. Say yes to yourself. Be easy. Give it up. If it’s good to you, if it opens you, come back for more.

3 – Be in love with something. Make love in public. Show off the stars in your eyes. Be a freaking genius at loving that thing. Love it without apology.  Wholeheartedly and passionately. Write love letters and share them with the whole world. Co-create with your love thing.

4 – Disagree. With conviction, without malice, in quiet or out loud. Believe in something. Love your differences. Carve yourself out. Dance all alone, with everyone watching.

5 – Admit you don’t know. Ask simple, basic questions. Be more concerned with understanding than being cool or all knowing. Humility is brilliance.

6 – Say What You’re Really Thinking. If it needs to be said, say it.   Expose the heart of the matter. Don't let nice become more important than real.  Claim the truth. Grab it by the balls.

7 – Disappoint someone. In order to be true to yourself. Make difficult decisions that teach you how to be your own advocate. Silence your "shoulds" and listen to your needs. Forget what you were taught. Be your own defiance.

8 – Make a mess.  Make a fool of yourself, a cluster of fumbles. Fall down, get dirty, get bruised. Let the world know that you are in the game and you won’t quit.

9 – Fall apart. Have a breakdown. Cry. Feel the burn. Let it cleanse you.

10 – Stand in the spotlight. Show all your colors.  Let them stare.

Late night finds for the Sonically Inclined- Sohn

Another installment for those of you who dig good music. Check out this this group Sohn (English translation is sun). They're from Vienna/London and their sound is soulful.  Give them a listen, if you like them pass it on.

Happy Women's History Month

Greetings and Salutations, It's March so that means it's Women's History Month. Naysayers be silent. Women are the central part of all societies. Respect is to be shown. The video that follows is from one of my favorite YouTubers, Whoissugar. She lists the 10 things she feels all women should know. If you're so inclined feel free to comment below as to what YOU think all women should know. Males your input is more than welcome too. "If you are in a country that is progressive, the woman is progressive. If you're in a country that reflects the consciousness toward the importance of education, it's because the woman is aware of the importance of education. But in every backward country you'll find the women are backward, and in every country where education is not stressed its because the women don't have education." -Malcolm X

Save room for your money, honey.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I want to start by saying THANKS for hanging with me and my blog for a year. I hope that your holiday season was as restful, as peaceful, as loving, as everything as you needed and wanted it to be. I know mine was. I trust that you are thankful for another day and another opportunity at happiness that everyone doesn't get. Now that parties are over, confetti has been swept up and the music has been turned down it's time to get back to business. I've never been one for making resolutions. If I want to change, I don't want for a designated time of the year to do so. My biggest challenge has been saving money. I know I need to do it, and I know the importance of it I just don't do it as well as I know I can. I have gotten better though. I switched banks and got a better savings plan. We're all tired of singing the "I'm SO broke" song. So here's what we can do. Financial plan 2012: 52 week challenge. Save a dollar for every corresponding week. 1st week=$1, 2nd week=$2, etc. Put it into a ING account at a .85% interest rate. Or whatever savings account of your choosing. (Even a shoe box on top of the fridge Redman style will do, lol) If weekly isn't feasible, try bi-weekly or monthly payments to yourself. For YOUR FUTURE.  Let's watch our finances grow and change. Tell all your friends, prosperity is in our grasp. Scrimping and not having enough is for the birds, we know better.  This is idea is not mine, I have to thank Ms.SparkWisdom from Youtube for this. (check her out, we all need a bit of extra encouragement and she is all about that.) I'm just doing my part and share the information. I want us all to win. Everyone deserves to have a little extra and have the means to splurge sometimes. You have to do the work though. You've got to save, or your nest egg won't grow. If you can't start now, start whenever you can. Along with saving more try keeping track of your spending. It's easier to see where your money is going if you physically write it down. Let this financial challenge be the first part of your plan on being a better version of yourself. Let this success spill over into your career, spiritual, romantic, and whatever other parts of life need a bit of revamping.  Be accountable for your successes and failures. Not just financially but in life. I promise it'll make you a better person. I can't wait to hear about it.

"If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting."
Benjamin Franklin

Walk It Off

In sports you learn that nothing should stop you from finishing the game. Be it a broken nail or a bruised sternum. Your coach would come and put their arm around you and look at you with intent and simply say “WALK IT OFF,” you would nod and wipe the dirt and tears from your face and continue. Those three words made you finish. You got that extra boost of confidence and strength you needed to go on. What happened to that concept? Somewhere between childhood and adulthood many of us have forgotten that the minor inconveniences/injuries shouldn't cause us to quit. These things come to make us stronger not to beat us into submission. If you let that break up cause a break down, you’ll never get anywhere. So just remember when you get hurt in the game of life, take a brief time out to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, wipe the tears away, and WALK. IT. OFF. I promise you’ll be better and stronger for it.

New Year, Another Chance

Happy New Year!! It's the end of the end of the holiday season and what better way to culminate it than with celebrating the beginning of a new year, better yet a new decade? The end of 2010 ended the the first decade of the 21st century for everyone. If you believe the Mayans, then you've only got one year to get yourself together. I on the other hand, do not. The end of a year is always like a sigh of relief for me. I don't lead a hard life, but as you get older you get thrown more curves in your path to success and happiness. 2010 was full of twists and turns for me. I had not one but TWO car accidents, one still unresolved. The blessing in that is that not one involved was hurt and that with each one a different lesson was learned. The beginning of 2010 brought changes. My mother had fallen drastically ill in the end of 2009 and with the onset of 2010 we saw her heal and recover and begin to do things that the doctors said she wouldn't be able to do again. Each day she has gotten better. I think it would be safe to say that 2010 was a year of learning for me. I look forward to 2011 to being a maturation of my life. I plan on changing the way that I live. A new year is another chance to correct your mistakes and become the person you are destined to be. Make 2011 a year that you remember as one of your best. Make this one for the record books, take chances that you wouldn't have previously, go places you've never been, speak to people that you wouldn't have dared to before. 2011 is yours for the taking, reach out and grab it. Manifest your destiny. Be free to be you and I promise that I'll do the same.